Trudging through torrents of angry people, the morbidly obese, and red-necks could only be made enjoyable when wearing the four-foot long beast of a sword wielded by William Wallace in the none-too-historically-accurate-but-still-entertaining-and-heart-wrenching movie Braveheart, with the love of my life walking beside me, irritably trying to coax something to drink out of a previously frozen bottle of water. What's best is paying a mere fraction of what it would cost to buy it anywhere else.

Flea market. . .